Loving Right Now

I am really loving this stage in Wes’ life. Not that the stages before weren’t great (because they were and I so often wish he could just stop growing for a bit so he could be my baby forever), but now is so much fun because he is turning into a little boy who wants to be so independent. And he’s hilarious. From his stink eye to his belly laugh.

First bandaid, loves his cousin.

But there’s another reason I am loving now. I don’t know for certain, but I think this time might be the easiest for Wes when it comes to adoption. He doesn’t know he’s adopted. All he knows is that we are his parents and we love him. His adoption is by no means a secret. We look different. His baby book and bedroom are filled with pictures of his birth family and he knows them now, even if he doesn’t yet understand how we are all connected. Right now all he knows is love. As his mom, I hope this is how he always feels.

Sleeping on plane (so thankful for a cuddly baby and an open row)

But I am nervous for the days when questions come, when he wonders why, how, what made him our son? How will he feel? From my point of view, he is the biggest blessing, dream come true, and miracle of my life. But my view isn’t the whole story. And I’m nervous for my little boy’s heart, because all I ever want him to know is that he is wanted and loved, despite the fact that his birthparents chose for us to parent him instead. 

So selfishly, I am soaking up this time when things are a little bit more simple. Or just a little less complicated for him. For me. Not that life is ever really that way. He just doesn’t realize it yet, and I wish it could stay that way.

3 Responses to “Loving Right Now”

  1. yvonne says:

    Your thoughts are insightful because, as much as we like to think our love will always be enough, there comes a point where they do feel it on some level. I thought this point was stressed too much by some adoption writers or counselors and thought my kids were not that curious or affected by their past. They are. At some point, they know that they were chosen to be raised by someone else. If you are still in touch with the birth mom (or birth dad), it’s helpful to have a letter addressed to your son. My one son asked for that..and I had only letters addressed to me. And letters from birth grandma for the first 7 years of his life. Hopefully our kids will always know they were were loved by 2 moms and will not feel the shame or abandonment others feel. I was glad for the information I did have on my kids’ pasts, for the pictures of our sons with their birth parents and the momentos. I wish I had more on their family background as they wanted to know, when it was time to study geneology in school- and if they had any famous people in their family. Hopefully their adopted histories will be every bit as valid as their birth family histories!

  2. yvonne says:

    PS. Your photographs are beautiful.

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