100 Days

Today marks 100 days since we announced Facebooked to the world that we are adopting. 100 days really isn’t that much time in the scheme of things, especially when we’re talking about adoption. But for some reason, the waiting, which really hasn’t been so hard for me in the past few months, is suddenly hard again. The change from the waiting game with trying to get pregnant into waiting to adopt was such a relief for me, that the past almost year since we stopped trying to get pregnant hasn’t felt so desperate.  But this month has been different. I don’t really know why, I’ve been trying to figure it out.

We set up the crib recently. I did not think this would bother me (and I’m still not sure that it does), but Craig knows me well and was hesitant to set it up because he thought it would make the wait harder. I didn’t give it much thought…I was just wanting to have a reason to get started on making a crib skirt (still need to do that!). I think my impatience started when I got an update from our agency. At the beginning of every month they post the number of adoptions that occurred the month before. They list out how many happened through the profile book (which birth parents look through at the agency), how many were designated (happened through personal connections and not through the agency), as well as how many families are on the wait list to get into the profile book. We are still on the wait list for the profile book, so right now our only hope is to find our own designated match (which is why we’re blogging, Facebooking, emailing, and shouting from the rooftop!). In the month of March there were zero adoptions through the profile book which made me have very mixed emotions. It confirmed (once again) that networking does work and that us sharing such a personal part of our lives could definitely lead us to our child. But I also feel so much pressure to be putting ourselves out there, sharing the best, most real parts of ourselves in hopes that someone will think of us, remember us, share about us, want to meet us, etc. Everyday I wonder if I should be posting more Facebook status updates? Should I blog? And what about? Are the people that are following us gonna get annoyed? I don’t know!?! The reality is that we are both busy working and I’m finishing up grad school (August can’t come soon enough!), so while there are many days I would much rather be working on a fun project to blog about, most of the time there isn’t much new to share (and I’m not sure anyone wants to see posts like “FYI, in case you forgot, we are still waiting for a baby!”) I know that none of this is in my control and in the long run it probably doesn’t really matter what I do or don’t do because God knows who our future child is and when we will get to meet them. But for now, this waiting sucks and I’m sick of it. I know some people have to wait much longer than I have, but as we’re coming up on 4 years of trying to be parents it’s hard to remain patient.

P.S. I hope I don’t sound too negative. The outpouring of support we have received from all of you has been nothing short of amazing and my heart has truly been filled with so much love and gratitude over the past 100 days. That hasn’t changed! I just want to be done waiting for my baby! =)